It's been a while

Hmmmm

In a change of direction I have been forced to join the ranks of that strangest of breeds, The Call Centre Monkey. My addiction to things like having a roof over my head, food and drink meant that I had no choice but to take the job. The option of returning to the UK was just too horrible to contemplate.

It is a strange world indeed. It does attract a strange mix of people (especially in a city like Barcelona) and I have made the following observations

South American women, when they are fit they are TURBO NINJA FIT

Swedish women, undoubtedly fit but dull as a box of dirt. I enquired of one lassie "Why are you so fucking dull?" She explained that in Sweden they believe that when you have had enough of a good time you should stop, apparently they have a word for it. (Cough up some phlegm and you'll be saying the word) Apparently an example of this phenonemon is going out for a drink. Once you have a "wee glow" you stop drinking.

No such word exists in the Scottish Language

It appears I am the only straight, male, call centre monkey in captivity.

Some people are really fucking stupid

This stupidity is matched and occasionally exceeded by some call centre monkeys

They shouldn't make lebians in "fit" It is fishully NO FAIR

Thankfully the IT goons haven't blocked blog sites so I may be updating a little more regularly in the future

Ginger people

Shouldn't be allowed...

How scary is this wee fella?

From this website http://www.11points.com/Dating-Sex/11_Sexy_Photos_Totally_Ruined_By_People_in_the_Background

Kwality as they say up posso

Things that make you go HAHHAHAHHAGAHGHAHHAGAHGAHG

One of the great internet blogs..

(It's no "Is she filthy" mind you)

http://heroofswitzerland.blogspot.com/search/label/Top%20Tips

Things that make you go "Heh"

I saw this on one of them sellick websites and it got an " 'fishul chortle". Put me in mind of many and evening spent in Heraghty's having a wee goldie or two in the company of "Uncle Tony" the owner of one of Glasgow's foremost "tarrier carrier" firms.

I don't miss Glasgow too often but there are nights where I would kill for a pint or two in Heraghty's and a fish supper from The Star across the road.

As you were people

GAVA GAVA HEY

Well that was the weekend that was...

As is the routine at Casa Jimbo I headed to the supermarket, bought beer, ice and scran and headed off to the beach. This weekend I got a proper result as a consequence of getting on the wrong bus. Visited a place called Gava (mebbes 20 mins outside Barca), I had heard of it but didn't realise the beach was so mighty.

By that I mean not too many people and those that are there appear to be yer locals. The absence of tourists cannot be underestimated. If any of you head here for a weekend break when it is sunny invest in a cool box (you really need to take your own supplies) and make the journey. You'll love it

Until recently my routine normally involved a visit to Barceloneta beach which is 15 mins walk from La Rambla. As a consequence it is very popular with yer hen and stag do types. It should be noted that the Borat manquini wasn't bastard fucking funny two years ago and it certainly isn't bastard funny now you shower of no-neck, shaved heed, English CUNTS.

The only down side to yer local type beaches are the "professional sun-bathers", these are wummin who have seen their best years and spend every day on the beach.. Now at the moment my colour chart for my skin is saying "Pollockshields" but I swear the wummin sitting just along from us the other day would have been in danger of being sold as a piece of occasional furniture if she ever ventured through the doors of Land Of Leather.

Anyroad that was the weekend highlight (that and an ace fry up made with the local sausages and black pudding on Sunday).

Things that are ALWAYS funny

Midgets, people falling and speech impediments.

Three things that fully deserve their place on the "Things that are ALWAYS funny" list (feel free to add your own, preferably things that the act of laughing would attract a dirty look from those around you)

This clip reminded me of possibly the greatest documentary shown on television. It focused on the "plight" of the sufferers of narcolepsy. The meeting of the support group was tv comedy GOLD. Each member required to keep minutes as any one of them could nod off at any moment. They of course did, resulting in LOLZ aplenty in Casa Jimbo.

A pint to anyone who can find the youtube vidjo of the meeting.

That said a case of beer to anyone who can get a hold of a vidjo shown to student nurses. It features a game of fives played at an epileptic teens camp.


"He's through on goal, he must score.... haud oan a minute......

This clip reminded me of a tale

My mate Brian, a LEGEND it has to be said (This is the man who, on the occasion of his 8th birthday recieved, from his Granny, an ashtray as a present)

He got pulled over a few years back on a random test around Christmas

"Have you been breathalysed before sir?"
"Yes"

"Ahh so you will know the drill"

"Not really, last time I was pished"